I Need A Smoke

Here we are again. Autumn.

The leaves are turning. The air has an unmistakable chill. Pumpkin spice is back on the menu. Winter is coming.

12 years ago, this was a great time to be alive. I was just beyond the struggles of high school. And I was just entering the realm of adulthood. Getting carded at the liquor mart or the convenience store was a thrill.

I’m not sure how long it was. 6 months to a year. But those months were great. The highpoint of my life. We passed the time with friends drinking, smoking and a little bit of toking. It was a welcome break from what lay behind us.

12 years later, it’s autumn again. The leaves are changing. There is a chill in the air. Pumpkin spice has been on the menu since late August.

But things have changed.

Everyone I once knew has either moved on, or moved away. Life is regimented and busy, but with little to show for it aside from stress and debt.

I exist. No more, no less.

And so it is. When the leaves turn beautiful, when the wind gets chilly, I think of the Halloween hot tub party. I think of a time when things were far less complicated and life was far more worth living.

At this time of year, I need a smoke.

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