Way back in February of 2015, I wrote a piece about my hatred of Bryan Adams. I don’t slash didn’t hate the man himself, per se. I just hated much of his overplayed music library. Soft rock or Pop tunes that are palatable enough to find a permanent home on contemporary music stations nationwide.
At this point, even the few songs that do dare tread away from the safety of soft rock are overplayed, and thus irritating.
While Bryan Adams is just one name on a laundry list of boomer pablum pedlers one hears on a daily basis on contemporary stations and in retail playlists all over Canada (James Cunt, Micheal Boobless, Phil Collins), Adams particularly irks me because of his Canadian-ness.
Not because he is FROM Canada. More, BECAUSE he is from Canada, he is ensured a place on the radio by law since many stations must ensure at least 40% of all musical content played daily is Canadian. I had said 30% in the 2015 post, but there were some nuances to the answer that I apparently overlooked.
No, there is no law guaranteeing Bryan Adams a spot in the rotation. It’s more a case of his catalogue being so bloody conformist that it can fit perfectly into any playlist, from retail to radio. Thus ensuring my ears get assaulted whether I’m in a car with an old person with terrible music taste OR at work trying to do my job.
Though I am also not quick to jump on the Tragically Hip bandwagon (why are Canadians such bandwagon hoppers?! Do you LIKE being a marketer’s dream cohort?!), I have to acknowledge that they did bring an air of authenticity to the table. Authenticity which has been bleached out of much of the contemporary music scene by this point.
I still don’t particularly like their music. But given the choice between an hour of the Hip and one hour of Canadian contemporary radio, I’ll take the Hip any day of the week.
Uh . . . I said The Hip.
ANYWAY, I thought I was alone in hating Bryan Adams. I thought I was irrational to hate Bryan Adams. Kind of like . . . hating a waterfall.
How can you hate Enya? It’s just silence, coloured in. It’s like being mad at a waterfall” ~Steve Hughes
As it turns out, unlike Enya, Bryan Adams now gave me a good reason to hate him. And managed to say something dumber than Don Cherry did earlier this year. Oh Canada . . . we are doing ourselves proud in 2020, aren’t we?
Canadian singer-songwriter Bryan Adams has apologized for an Instagram post widely condemned Monday as crass, racist and inflammatory.
Adams posted the apology Tuesday “to any and all that took offence” to his post.
“No excuse, I just wanted to have a rant about the horrible animal cruelty in these wet-markets being the possible source of the virus, and promote veganism. I have love for all people and my thoughts are with everyone dealing with this pandemic around the world,” he wrote.
The original post on Monday blamed the global COVID-19 pandemic on “some f–king bat eating, wet market animal selling, virus making greedy bastards.”
“My message to them other than ‘thanks a f–king lot’ is go vegan,” the caption read.
There you have it, folks. The perfect reason to hate Bryan Adams. He’s a VEGAN! A veggie sucking soy boy.
I like vegans. I don’t embrace their lifestyle (although it is better for the environment and would likely be VERY beneficial to my health. Give me time), and some of their more notable members tend to cast a dark shadow over the entirety of the cohort. None the less, they represent the future of the human species (even if most of us don’t know it yet). Even Gordon Ramsay takes their cuisine seriously, now.
No, I don’t hate Bryan Adams for not eating meat. I don’t even hate Bryan Adams for being a terrible representative of the vegan movement. I hate his pussy music, and I hate him because he’s a racist idiot. All of which makes me wonder how many of these instances happened in the past that we don’t know about.
Either way, I should thank Bryan Adams. I am no longer the weirdo for hating a waterfall!
Well, if that waterfall was part of a fountain display in a shopping center.